Ch-ch-ch-changes

I have a previous post about being a control freak.  Those days are long-gone and that’s actually a very good thing.  As I near the end of my fourth chemo cycle (I am scheduled for 6), here are some changes that I have noticed since starting chemo back in November:

* Shower time – I inherited my dad’s preference for long showers.  However, thanks to the Taxol, I have about only about 1/4 -1/3 of my hair on my head and I do not have to shave the pits or legs. (I still have eyebrows and some eyelashes so Taxol has been rather random with hair loss for me.)   Therefore, I  don’t have my long hair to shampoo, condition or deep-condition, and no need to shave.  So my showers have gone from a good 15+ minutes to….well….since I don’t have anything to do in the shower other than soap up and rinse, I can be done in 60 seconds.  I try and stretch it out to a good 5 minutes if for no other reason than to allow the warm water to finally flow through the shower head.

* Stares from strangers – oh, the stares!  I’m so over them.  Seriously, a scarf on my head does not indicate that my cancer is contagious.  This issue is about those people and not about me.  I hold my head high, stare back with a gentle smile, and they look away.  Those people have to be able to sleep at night with how they live and treat people.   Enough said about this topic.

* Taste buds – what taste buds????   Most food tastes like cardboard or paste (flour-and-water paste – not the industrial paste/glue that comes in a plastic bottle).  Oh, well.  I look for foods with texture right now like nuts, fresh fruit, and some super-high acid like lemon juice or vinegar so that there is SOMETHING to motivate the taste buds.  I look forward to being able to taste food again especially since I am a trained chef and baker.

* Energy – chemo has definitely taken a toll on my energy.  I am told this is normal but it is frustrating.  I do try and get some exercise on a regular basis and lift super-light weights so that I do not overdo it.  I also try not to get down on myself because I cannot do what I would like to do.  It is o.k.  that I cannot do as much as I want to and my doctor told me this.  She also said that I will bounce back quicker once chemo is over because I am exercising.  This information rings happy bells for me so I keep moving even though I am often lapped by incredible women and men who are twice my age. I look forward to being that active at their age.

* Sleep – what sleep?  O.K., a slight exaggeration here but my ability to sleep is all over the place.  Sometimes I can sleep straight through the night, other times I wake up a lot, and sometimes I cannot sleep at all.  I am working on this and am hopeful this will improve very, very soon.

* Family and Friends – a slight tease here – I am adding this because this is the one area that HAS NOT CHANGED.   My family, friends, co-workers, and managers have been steadfast in their support and I cannot thank them enough.  I am so blessed to have them in my life.

All in all, change is actually good.  I cannot control any of these things – nor do I want to – because it means that the chemo is working.  That is the goal. As far as I am concerned, I am pronouncing myself cured.  The remaining treatments are just insurance.   This is how I roll.  It’s not how everyone rolls but it works for me.  Some may call me naive, some may think I have bravato or conceit, and some may think I should be realistic and look at statistics.  What I look at is ME – my treatments, my lab work, and my attitude.  I don’t care about all that other stuff.  My goal from the beginning was to beat this.  I will not lose sight of that goal.

 

 

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ellen Lavenson Stanclift
    Jan 27, 2012 @ 07:39:28

    I’m so proud of you! And I have to say, the stares? Stupid, ignorant, foolish people. They should be ashamed of themselves.

    Reply

  2. WhiteStone
    Jan 27, 2012 @ 09:37:50

    Yep. Been there. Still being there. lol.
    I’ve been bald twice now and I actually looked forward to those short showers and easy “hair-do”s. Sorta envied those guys who shave their heads.
    One change for me? I now have an assortment of pretty, dangly earrings! Helps with the feminity.

    Reply

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